Haeo
by Vickychan
Summary: A document written from the POV of Vegeta (Alliance's Vegeta - AU) about his life. His secrets revealed, and his doubts about himself.


"Haeo. Ae Vegeta, tha eesti ra saiyans."   
That's changeling for "Hello. I'm Vegeta, the king of saiyans."

I speak a lot of changeling. About as much as I do saiyan, actually. I never learnt it, though. When you're raised by changelings, you sort of learn to pick it up. In fact, it was saiyan that I had to be taught. I was taught my own language… it doesn't seem right, does it? I had special training, too. My sister, Tanya – well, if you want to be biological about it she's not really my sister, but I call her that. After all, I've lived with her since she was two weeks old, and I was only three years myself at the time. Well, Tanya and I were both trained by her father, Frieza – that's my foster father, my real father's best friend. I was orphaned at three, and Frieza took me in. He was the only person fit to do it, really. I have no grandparents and my father and mother had no siblings.   
Frieza trained us, Tanya and myself. He taught me to fight like a saiyan; apparently he'd picked up the saiyan fighting style off my father at some point. I suppose it was mostly from when they used to spar together. Anyway, Frieza taught me how to fight like a saiyan, but then when Tanya said she wanted to learn to fight (only because she wanted to be like me, bless her) he started training us together and taught us the changeling fighting style. I still had private training on my own, though. 

I was taught saiyan history, too. I'll admit, some of it is quite interesting. Although a lot of it seemed pretty boring to me. Planet Vegeta as it's known today hadn't been around that long when my father was king – he'd only renamed it "Vegeta" after he'd taken the crown, so there wasn't really much to tell. What there was seemed quite impressive though, my father was a powerful king – from a military point of view, anyway. Frieza always used to tell me about what a great person my father was, but I never liked him that much. In fact, if I am to tell the complete truth, I'm a little afraid of him. Don't ask me why because I don't know, I just am. Terrified, in fact. 

I never really knew anything about Planet Vegeta before I moved there when I was 21. Of course, I'd been taught all about it, but I was only three years old when I left so there wasn't all that much to remember – not that a three-year-old would remember much anyway. Going to Vegeta when I was 21, although I was "going back" as such, was like a first visit to the place. I didn't recognise any of it. All I saw that I could be familiar with was the language, to be honest. I felt like a bit of a stranger – and the servants must have thought I was a little odd, having a strong changeling accent and everything. I must've sounded crazy.   
Well, I haven't lost that changeling accent but the saiyans on Planet Vegeta have rubbed off on me. My accent is a little muddled now; I think it sounds even worse than before! Still, it's just one of those things, isn't it?

Planet Vegeta is very different, though; in every way, really – even the climate! I was used to a warm and sunny climate. Planet Frieza was hot all year round. It was always sunny and didn't rain that often – but when it did rain, believe me it DID rain – and usually, for weeks at a time.   
Vegeta isn't like that, though. For a start, it's much colder, and it doesn't rain so much. The sky is slightly different, too; Frieza's sky was pale purple, and Vegeta's is red. There's snow, which was new to me. Before I moved to Planet Vegeta, I'd never seen snow before in my life. Planet Frieza didn't have it, too hot.  
Saiyans don't dance, either. I couldn't believe it! Tanya and I used to dance a lot, just for fun. Saiyans don't seem to have heard of dances, though – not even royal saiyans! They're not a very musical race either. There is music, but it's not as common as it is on Frieza. Back there, I learnt to play a couple of odd musical instruments. I was never very good, it was always Tanya who was gifted in that way, but I still tried to play.

I know what you're thinking. You don't know what I'm talking about, do you? I understand. It must be strange listening to someone compare two different planets that have almost nothing to do with each other – except the fact that they're part of the same alliance. Well… that's just it. Difference. Both races are completely different. And yet… I am still a part of both of them. Confusing, isn't it? It confuses me, too. Allow me to explain…

I was raised by changelings, and for many years the only language I spoke was changeling. I learnt to live like a changeling, and became familiar with changeling customs and traditions. However… I am a saiyan. And, though it wouldn't seem like it, being a saiyan raised by changelings… it's the hardest thing one could possibly do. It brings you to ask certain questions about yourself. Questions that… are hard to answer – and hurt all the more when you do answer them. Questions like "Who am I," and "Am I who I should be."  
It's hard. You wouldn't think it to look at me; I put on a brave face. If you ask me, there is no point in depressing everyone else with your problems; it's much better to keep them to yourself. Smile, and enjoy your life. That's what I do. I do smile, and I do enjoy my life – I love my life. I love my family… I love my childhood… I love my planet and I love my home. I wouldn't change anything that has ever happened in my life, I'm happy with the way things have turned out.   
"So why?" you ask? You wonder why I'm telling you all this now, if I'm happy? Well… even a happy man wonders. And I wonder a lot – more than you'd think. Usually at night or when I'm alone, when I'm not busy and I can let my mind wander – that's when I question myself. 

Like I said, I'm happy with my life. However… should I be happy? All too often I've felt like I'm not what I should be. I've not told anyone about this, mainly because nobody would understand. How could they? My family, my friends… none of them are like me. None are saiyan-changelings. Although… I'm not even that. A saiyan-changeling is what you call someone who is half-saiyan and half-changeling. Basically, it is a half-breed.   
I am not that. I'm a saiyan full blood. But… I'm not a real saiyan. I was raised by changelings, everything I know about the saiyans I had to be taught – even the language. The saiyans are different to me. They have different customs, different ways of life…  
However, I am not a changeling either. Not only because of the way I look, but the way I am, too. I eat more than a changeling, and I have the same thirst for battle that any other saiyan has. It's in my blood – but is it really my blood? Who am I, really? The saiyans are my people and I am their king, but am I really the saiyan king Vegeta? I grew up away from them, am I just a little orphan boy who has no real race? Where do I belong? A lot of the time, I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I know nothing about my race and my family aren't really _my_ family. Everything that matters to me I either know nothing about, or shouldn't know anything about. I shouldn't be able to speak changeling, and I shouldn't have felt like a stranger in my own palace on Vegeta. 

These are the thoughts that bother me when I am alone with my mind. So many questions… not of which can be answered. It's all "buts" and "ifs". Nobody can say to me "You're supposed to be this, so live like that," simply because nobody _knows_ if I'm supposed to be this and live like that. My sister calls me her brother, but Iris (my adoptive mother) and Frieza simply call me "Vegeta," not "son" or "prince of changelings," just "Vegeta, king of saiyans." Yes, that is what I am, but is it who I am? There's a difference. My changeling family – if I am allowed to call them my family – love me, but I am not theirs to love. Yet at the same time, the saiyans bow down to me, but am I even theirs to bow down to? Before I came to take the thrown, I'd had no contact with them at all. Do you call that right? I don't. If I am to be honest, my being king, is a sham. I have done nothing for the saiyans to deserve the title they've given me. By pure chance I just happened to be the only son of the late saiyan king and queen, but I don't believe it is good enough to just be born into the throne, you must also earn your right to sit in it. And I have done nothing to earn my right. 

So, I suppose to solve that problem I could say "Well I grew up on Planet Frieza, so I have earned my right to take the throne of that planet," but no. I may have done everything necessary to become king of Planet Frieza, but I still have no right to do so, because I am still biologically a saiyan prince, and my loyalties lie with the saiyans – even if I do feel more like a changeling at heart. So you see, it is a vicious circle, and I travel glued to its perimeter around it every time I come to ask myself those awkward questions. There is no answer; the only practical answer I can come up with involves my own non-existence. If I were to die, that would be the end of it. Tanya would go on to become queen of Planet Frieza like she is destined to anyway, and somebody else would take the throne of Planet Vegeta – somebody who was born and raised there and holds Vegeta closer to their heart than anything. As close to their heart… as I keep Planet Frieza to mine. Frieza is my home, not Vegeta. I have my memories and childhood there. All I have on Vegeta is my parents' lives, not mine. But, I know my responsibility as king and I will protect Planet Vegeta with both my heart and life. And do you know why?   
I will tell you.

Have you ever heard of Hell? I have no idea what it's real name is, but "Hell" is a nickname we give to an alternate universe – a universe in which the saiyans and changelings are enemies, Planet Vegeta is destroyed by Frieza, and I am kidnapped by him as a child. It sounds pretty crazy, doesn't it? Well, I'm sure you can guess why we call it "Hell." It's basically because everybody in that universe seems to die. Well… I don't like Hell that much at all. It's a very anti-Frieza place, half the people I care about don't even exist, and I don't care for the commoner I end up marrying.  
Which is why I was all the more gutted and, to say the least, embarrassed when I met that man. "Goku," I think his name was, although my alternate self called him "Kakarotto." Either way, I suppose it doesn't really matter.   
Well, to put it bluntly, looking at Goku was like looking in a mirror. I saw him there – a typical, full blood, born-on-Vegeta saiyan – on Earth.  
Yes, on Earth. A planet far, far away from Planet Vegeta – or where Vegeta had been in that world, at least. He was sent there as a baby, and found by a human. Raised by a human… taught by a human… learnt how to speak the human language and how to both fight and act like a human. Just like the changelings and myself.  
Goku was slightly less fortunate, however, in the sense that he didn't know he was a saiyan. I always knew what I was. Although, because of that, how he reacted when he found out what he was really made him all the more brave.   
I am sure he, like me, often questioned his life when he realised it wasn't how it should be. But, unlike me, he didn't get downhearted. He never thought, "They aren't my family, I am alone," like I did. Instead, he accepted his life. Accepted that, although he was certainly a part of two worlds, his life was what it was. And knowing that, he carried on. Caring about both his past and present – to make a strong future for himself.   
And by doing that, Goku inspired me to do the same. I mean let's face it, if a common Earthling from Hell can do it then so can I! So I suppose, if you were to give him a name, that man is my inspiration. My… "hero" as it were. My hero, Goku.

Now, I know all this seems like a rather pointless thing to say – after all, I'm writing down all my secret thoughts here and I have no idea what weirdo is going to read them. But… you see I have no choice. If you were to talk to anyone who knew me – or if you knew me yourself – you'd understand that I can be very stubborn. And once I say I don't like something, it is virtually impossible to get me to change my opinion – and to admit that it is changed it unheard of with me. So, naturally, I could never dream of bringing myself to say that I actually admire someone from Hell so much. However, I can bring myself to write it down here, because it will only be strangers reading it. And also, should I ever decide I do want to admit that I was wrong, I fear that I won't get the chance to anyway. After all, there is no guarantee that I will ever see Hell again.

So, to end this… record of my existence if anything, I leave you with two messages, please note the one that applies to you.  
If you are a stranger who either does or doesn't know Goku, please tell him about this document should you ever meet him, and thank him for me.  
And… if it is actually Goku reading this, then what more can I say? Presumably, you already know everything now. So all I can really add to it is…   
Thanks.

King Vegeta II, of the saiya-jin. 


End file.
